The 1001 Flat World Tales

Blaine

Honolulu, Hawaii, USA

A magazine. Who would have thought that it would change Kenny’s life forever? You see, one day, he’s in his sister’s store to pick up her paycheck. A new issue of Sports Illustrated catches his eye. It has his favorite baseball team on the cover, The New York Yankees. “Can the Yankees make another title run?” is the headline. Kenny desires it so badly. Even though it should come in the mail in a couple days, he needs to read it. Kenny jams his hand into his pocket, and grabs some money. Then, Kenny thinks to himself, wouldn’t it be thrilling to steal the thing? I mean, what an adrenaline rush. Nobody’s looking, right? So, he turns his head from side to side, over and over again, making sure there’s no one watching, snatches the magazine and tucks it under his shirt. Kenny shuffles towards the door, his heart beating a mile a minute. Sweat pours down his neck, down his spine. I really hope I don’t get caught, Kenny thinks to himself. If my parents find out I stole something, they will skin me alive. Aw man, I really regret taking this stupid thing.

Kenny is a few steps away from the door, about to reach freedom. Man, I can’t believe I’m going to get away with this, Kenny thinks to himself, maybe I should do this more often. It would save me a ton of money. Suddenly, a large hand seizes Kenny’s shoulder and says, “Hey kid, come with me.” Oh Oh. Busted, Kenny says to himself, I got caught by a security guard. I was so freaking close. I must be the most unlucky boy in the world. What are the odds that he pulls me over right before I exit the store? The security guard takes him into a tiny room, and asks, “Did you take anything from here?”

Kenny decides to lie. “Uh… no sir, I didn’t take anything.”

The security guard knew Kenny was lying. “Well then, I guess you wouldn’t mind if I check under your clothes, then.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I took this magazine.”

The man in black ponders for a moment, and says, “Well, since you’re Carrie’s brother, I won’t call the police. But, you do have to pay for the magazine. I’m also going to tell your parents.”

As soon as Kenny’s parents hear the news, they explode. They are so furious, that they decide to send him off to the Big Island to help his Uncle Kealoha out in the coffee fields for three days.

Kenny arrives in the Big Island, searching for his uncle. When he first set his eyes on him Kenny is stunned. He is a humongous Hawaiian man. How can I be related to him?! Kenny thinks to himself, my family is full of short, scrawny Asians, and this man is at least six feet, 250 pounds! Uncle Kealoha has a tattoo that runs down his face. Kenny really hopes that he never will get this guy angry, because he could probably snap every bone in Kenny’s body in half.

“OK, Kenny. Wat you goin’ do is pick da coffee beans off da trees. You have to pick each bean, one by one. Only take da red ones. No take da green ones. No stay ripe yet, das why. It’s real humbug (hard). Bumbai (Then) you learn wat hard work is. O yeah, no call me Kealoha, call me Kea. Kealoha is too long. OK, I see you in about five hours to feed you dinner. Work hard, ah?” Kea’s pidgin accent is very difficult to understand, Kenny thinks to himself. It is almost as if we spoke two different languages.

Kenny sets his eyes on the field. His jaw drops and he’s in shock. The coffee trees seem to extend for miles. Kenny says, “There is no way I’ll get halfway done after three days picking the beans by hand! Oh well, I might as well get started.

*

“Ho, Kenny, it’s 5 o’clock, you done for da day. Wat you like eat?” Kenny’s body is in so much pain. Kea didn’t tell him to wear a hat. He really didn’t know the sun was going to be that hot. He’s burnt to a crisp. Kenny is so red, that if you put him on a dinner plate with a bowl of butter, he looks like a lobster dinner fit for a king. But Kenny’s not only in pain because of the sunburn, but today was probably the hardest he has worked in his whole life. Kenny didn’t realize how hard being a plantation worker really is until he had to do it. Each step Kenny takes makes him wish his legs would fall off because of walking and standing the whole, tormenting day.

“That’s okay Kea, I’m not really hungry. I think I’m just going to go sleep,” Kenny replies.

“Ok den. I give you one good breakfast tomorrow den. Whoa, braddah. You look like one cherry. I better give you one hat tomorrow. And wear some sunscreen too.”

As soon as he lies down on his bed, Kenny feels like a thousand wasps landed on his body and stung him over and over again. The sunburn hurts so badly, he just wants to die.
“Maybe if I get a good night sleep, I will feel better in the morning.” Kenny murmurs to himself.

*

“Brah, Kenny, wake up! It stay so late already. Wat, you on Hawaiian time or something li’dat?”

Wow, Kenny thinks to himself. It seems like I was asleep for a few hours. Kenny glances at the clock, and yells, “Kea, it’s five o’clock, lemme sleep.”

“No can, Braddah.” Kea replies, “It late already. If ya work hard in early day, you can rest later. Get ya work done first, and then you can play, as I always say. And before you get dressed, wash your eyes. You have so much makapiapia (eye gunk), one keiki can go and build one sandcastle. Hurry up; I get some Portuguese sausage on the stove wit eggs and rice. It’s goin’ be real onolicious (good).”

As Kenny drags his body into the coffee fields, he says, “Hey, why do I have to wake up so early? Can’t I just do the work later today? I don’t understand why Uncle Kea . . .”

Kenny is spending too much time grumbling, and doesn’t see an enormous stick on the ground. Kenny flops to the ground, and the stick tears his skin into pieces. As Kenny stands up, he feels blood gushing down his leg into his shoe. The cut is on Kenny’s calf. All right, Kenny thinks to himself, maybe if this cut is deep enough, then I won’t have to work the last two days.”

“I have to admit, that is one MEAN scrape, brah.” Kea says, while analyzing the cut, “But, it’s nothing one band-aid no fix. Be careful next time, yeah Kenny? No can see nothing in da fields when it stay dark.”

Bummer, Kenny thinks to himself, I still have to work. And the pain is killing me. Well, I better get started.

*

“Ho Kenny, wat I tell you. If ya start early, den you get to end early. Now you can do wateva you like. It stay only one o’clock, get in here, before you burn like yesterday.”

Kenny is in pain! Do you know how arduous it is to pick coffee beans for eight hours straight, with no breaks, while suffering from sunburn from the previous day and a gash in your leg? He decides to go straight to sleep and hope he will feel better tomorrow. Kenny limps into the house. If you look at him, he looks so appalling. It’s as if he hasn’t slept in ages.

“Wat, you goin’ sleep again. Fine. I make some spam tomorrow for breakfast. Why you lookin’ so gimpy? Ya leg, das why? I give you some painkillas den.”

*

“Ho, Kenny, ready for breakfast. It’s ya last day. Make it one good one.”

Kenny is astonished. He feels completely rejuvenated. He’s not tired at all and is ready to work. He believes he’s finally getting the hang of life on a plantation. Kenny figured out that he starts work so early because it gets so hot later in the day. You have to consistently work hard, or else the work will never get done. He saunters out to the fields, ready to take on his final day of punishment for the bad deed he committed.

*
“Seven thousand, five hundred, twelve beans, Seven thousand, five hundred, thirteen beans . . .” Wow, Kenny says to himself, I must be extremely bored. I’m actually counting how many beans I’ve collected in the past eight hours. Well, the reason why he is bored is because he isn’t thinking about how tired he is. Believe it or not, Kenny isn’t tired at all. These past three days really have made him so brawny that he could tear a phonebook in half. He couldn’t even survive five hours when he first came here. Now, he just went eight hours of picking coffee beans without getting tired. “Seven thousand, five hundred, and seventeen beans, Seven thousand, five hundred, and eighteen beans . . .”

“Eh, Kenny, git in here already. You’ve done ya work for da day. Tonight, I make you one treat fo dinner. I make hamburger steak. I swear, it’s gonna break your mouth fo sure (taste good).”

Amazing, Kenny thinks, I’ve picked Seven thousand, five hundred, and eighteen beans in one day. That means I picked almost twenty thousands coffee beans in the time I was here. I wonder how many cups of coffee that is.

As Kenny chomps into the hamburger steak, his taste buds go on a ride of their lives. It’s the best hamburger steak he’s ever tasted; maybe even the best food he’s ever tasted. Every bite has so much flavor in it. It has the perfect texture. So soft, tasty and delicious.

Uncle Kea is an excellent chef, Kenny thinks, I probably missed out on a couple extravagant dinners because I was busy sleeping like a baby.

Uncle Kea brings up a question after dinner. “Eh Kenny. You had a great time here, right. You like come back next year den?”

Kenny thinks for a while, and replies, “I’m sorry Uncle, but I think I’m gonna have to pass on that. I had a memorable experience, but certainly something I don’t want to do ever again.” He really likes his uncle and the enviroment of the Big Island. Every morning as the sun rises, Kenny thinks this is such a beautiful place. He can’t believe that he will be leaving here in a couple of hours. Whenever he’s down in the dumps, he can think of the sunrises on the Big Island, and remember how lucky he was to see such a beautiful sight. It will always be the remedy when he’s feeling depressed. Kenny will especially miss his uncle’s cooking. But Kenny knows all of these positives is not worth coming back and re-living the hell that he went through. Waking up at five everyday and working while the beaming rays of sun burn your skin is not exactly how Kenny wants to spend the rest of his life.

“I can see wat ya mean.” Uncle Kea says, a little disappointed, “Workin on one plantation is one man’s job. No wahines (women) or keiki (kids) allowed. You need real hard workers that like doing the job.”

Kenny goes into his room, puts his head down on his pillow, and says an oath to himself, “Now, whenever I am tempted to steal something again, I will remember what happened during this experience. No matter how badly I want it, I will never steal again. Because next time, instead of sending me off for three days, my parents might send me here for the rest of my life!”